Living a lie

 

BY ELLEN ROHR

contributing writer

 

I’m a big reader. Fiction, non-fiction, as long as the writing is good and/or the message is compelling. I love to learn from smart, successful people, and many of them are gracious enough to write books telling you how they became smart and successful. There are a lot of insights to be gained from non-fiction, too. Sometimes, the beauty of the language and the art of the story inspire me. (Read Steinbeck or Hemmingway or Isabel Allende or Rick Bragg or Daniel Mason…) I also like Stephen King. While not fine literature, he puts out darn good writing and often flirts with astounding truths.

 

In his new bestseller Under the Dome, King’s character Andrea discusses her withdrawal from painkillers with her friend Julia, who asks:

 

“What about your back?”

 

Andrea smiled. It was an oddly knowing smile, without much humor in it. “My back isn’t bad at all. Hardly a twinge, even when I bend over. Do you know what I think?”

 

Julia shook her head.

 

“I think that when it comes to drugs, the body and the mind are co-conspirators. If the brain wants drugs, the body helps out. It says, ‘Don’t worry, don’t feel guilty, it’s okay, I really hurt.’”

 

Your brain, your body; they may lie to you.

 

This got me thinking. So often, I encounter resistance as I support people who want to create better business, more money, greater success in their lives. I throw up resistance myself. So often, it’s a lie. And so often, someone else who has dealt with that lie has written a book worth reading about their experience laying claim to their truth. Here are a few of my latest favorites:

 

Lie: I just don’t have enough time.”

 

Alternate versions of this lie include, “I’m too old,” and, “I’m too young.” How about the truth: You won the lottery of time. You have all there is! Lucky you. The point of power is right now, the present moment. And it’s how you choose to spend that moment that can make all the difference to your success. Author Dan Kennedy explores “No BS” ways to take charge of your time and shares a simple, sound, break-even discussion of what time is worth. You have plenty of time. You may choose to use it differently. Try noticing what you spend time on that doesn’t move you in the direction of what you want. Yes, it’s scary. Sure, inertia has its hooks in you. Still, claiming that you don’t have enough time is just, well, a lie.

 

Lie: Success is a result of working really, really hard.

 

There is evidence of the opposite all around you. Do you know someone who has a rockin’ relationship with their significant other and doesn’t seem to be trying all that hard? Do you know someone who inherited mega-wealth or won big in the lottery? The problem with this lie (and the others, too!) is that they are effective — for a while. Hard work can reap results. However, if you believe that to be twice as successful, you have to work twice as hard, it’s going to knock the wind out of you. I’ve struggled with this one. And I am recovering! Now, I am looking for things that make me feel good. I aim to do things that delight and inspire me. Interestingly, my relationships and my business benefit as a result. Gay Hendrix addresses this lie in his lovely and supportive book, The Big Leap. What if the truth were you could take a quantum leap in your success, your relationships and your financial situation; and still have the energy for golf? Why not give that belief a shot? The alternative is compromising your happiness and your health.

 

Lie: Doing what I do better than anyone else will make me successful.

 

Author (and one of my bffs) Simon Sinek maintains that WHY you do what you do is vastly more important that what you do. If the why, the mission, the point, is great enough, you will figure out extraordinary ways to deliver what you do. Without a compelling why, it can be tough to get out of bed to respond to an emergency call or to pick up the phone when that troublesome customer is on the line. Your life is about more than turning wrenches. Why do you do what you do? Simon takes you through a process, exploring the moments were you were most alive, and helps you get clear on your passion and purpose.

 

Lie: Achieving ___________ will make me happy and feel successful.

 

Everything you want and don’t have (fill in the blank); you want it because you think it will make you happier. So, what if you work from the other direction? My friend Marlene Chism has written a terrific book about accepting happiness, and success, now. With practical tips for reducing drama and stress, she helps you discover that there are signs all around you of how your life is working and working well! The more you recognize and appreciate that, the easier it is to be happy in this moment. Doesn’t that sound better? Righter? The lie is that you should be miserable on your path to happiness.

 

Lie: If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.

 

You can continue to lie to yourself with this one, or some other clever way you describe your lack of success thus far. Or you could drop it. Out of the most horrible situations, the most amazing things can happen. And so often do! Wherever you are in your life, no matter what has happened to this point, you can use your tragedy to springboard you to wild success. Mountain climber Greg Mortenson lost his sister to cancer. He set out to climb K2, as a way to honor her and help himself heal. He didn’t make it to the top. He got lost on the way down and almost died from exposure. Short of dying, this is as big a loss as you can get in mountain climbing.

 

He was saved by a local man who took him to his village, located in the highest peaks of Afghanistan. There, he got to know the local people. He devoted himself to building schools, particularly for girls, to help combat poverty and expand opportunities. Greg still works there, erecting schools out of bombed building rubble. An inspiring read — and a reminder that defeat is often the beginning of a miraculous comeback.

 

Lie: There’s no better teacher than real world experience, the school of hard knocks.

 

This takes us back to the world of non-fiction. Perhaps the greatest leadership lessons can be found in classic fantasy novels. Have your read The Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis?

 

Have you read The Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien?

 

Certainly you have heard of these books. Perhaps it’s time to reread them — and introduce your Harry Potter-loving kids to these amazing stories of courage and honor and adventure. (The language, the writing; it’s so much better than Harry P!) And, put this lesser known but brilliantly written series on your must-read list, too. The Merlin Trilogy by Mary Stewart

 

This is the tale of King Arthur and Merlin and the magical world of Camelot, told in a beautiful, achingly human way. Explore the myth and explode the lies.

 

Happy reading to you and your family!

 

The most common question I get: How do I get the phone to ring NOW? Al Levi and I launching the “Get More Calls Teleseminar” program to help you do just that. We’ll share 3 super simple Marketing Drivers that always work (and we money-back guarantee it!) Ready? Reach me at contact@barebonesbiz.com.  And, check out www.getmorecallsnow.com.