An American hydronic tale

 

BY PAUL ROHRS

contributing writer

 

It’s “heating season” and the phone rings, again; it looks like it is going to be another late night in the life of this heating contractor. A system has a small glitch that needs hands-on attention. I start lacing up my boots because that’s what heating contractors do, all the while thinking that future equipment should have remote diagnostics that contact me in the event of a no-heat call. Better yet, at my command the system will give up its dirty little secret of why it chose not to heat that day.

 

That got me to thinking outside the box a bit and wondered what it would be like if a heating system could talk?

What if the whole system and its components had distinct personalities and you were privy to their conversations?

Our modern heating systems often feature outdoor reset that can be coupled with constant flow. Outdoor reset continually monitors the outside ambient air temperature, converts it into an electric signal via a sensor, then feeds this signal to a control or boiler which then automatically alters the water temperature to provide a more accurate match to the heat load.

Putting these concepts together, here is what I think a conversation between heating components and attributes of heating systems would sound like:

 

Scene: Early evening, Mr. OD Reset is coming from a long day’s work to be greeted by his wife Constance Flow.

 

OD Reset: Hi honey, I’m home!

 

Constance Flow: Hi sweetie, how was your day?

 

OD Reset: What a day, there was a huge tie-up at the monoflo tee’s out on the North Face where all that glass is. But, work is work.

 

Constance Flow: That’s too bad honey. Can I get you something to drink?

 

OD Reset: Sure babe, how about a Rhomar 922, and forget the glass, just pour it right in. Frustrating day today, doggone mod/cons at work! They think they own the place. I’m getting tired of hearing about them day in and day out. They brag about “ramping up and down all day.” “Did you see me going to high-fire?” I heard them say. We never boasted like that when we were young!

 

Constance Flow: Its okay, darling, we all went through our growing pains at one time or another. (As she sips from her cup of Delta T)

 

OD Reset: Enough about my day, what where you and the kids up to today?

 

Constance Flow: Well, Gas and Electric have been spinning pretty fast around here, but Circ seems like he’s got a fever, I think he’s been running hot all day.

 

OD Reset: Well it might be time to get that “Differential Pressurectomy.” It really worked wonders for you didn’t it? That should make him right as rain and will probably help Gas and Electric with their issues, too.

 

Constance Flow: I know it will be a little expensive, but Dr. Diffy P. Bypass is almost out of work; let’s just use him for this one last job.

 

OD Reset: Okay Hon, get it scheduled. How’s your sister Laminar doing?

 

Constance Flow: That tart! She’s just started dating this guy from Ohio. You should hear him Moen.

 

OD Reset: I’m beat, darling, will you take care of setback tonight?

 

Constance Flow: I always do sweetie, I always do, and you get some sleep. Remember, Crazy Uncle Boost will be here bright and early like always. Hard to keep him in the attic during the day, you know.

 

OD Reset: That guy never takes a break. But it’s good that he’s still working and helping out around here. I know it seems like we are just going around in circles, but I know better days are ahead. I’ve got to clock in early at the injection station, I’m going to bed. Good night, honey.

 

Constance Flow: Good night.

 

The End.

 

The potential is there to have a healthy mix of 20th century components working right along side of 21st century technology and we need to be prepared to pick up on clues from both eras. As heating contractors, we learn that not everything that goes wrong gives us an error code. Sometimes, just listening to a system and the sounds it makes goes further than hooking up a diagnostic tool.

 

A customer held the phone up the other day and I could tell that the pump was spinning but had no fluid in it. This particular system did not have an automatic fill on it. It is a basic sound that when you hear it, you know what the offending component is. Use all of the fault codes you can when diagnosing temperamental or problem systems, but don’t forget your basic sense of hearing when the sound is trying to tell you what the problem is.

 

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. Then again, that awful sound coming from the duck might mean it has eaten too much corn and can only be one thing — a duck that needs a plumber.